JEROME - TEMPTATIONS IN THE DESERT

 

 

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Letter 22 to Eustochium, section 7

Latin text from Migne PL, Vol. 22, Col. 399

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EPISTOLA XXII AD EUSTOCHIUM, PAULAE FILIAM.
De custodia virginitatis.

7. Hieronymi tentationes in eremo.--- O quoties ego ipse in eremo constitutus, et in illa vasta solitudine, quae exusta solis ardoribus, horridum Monachis praestat habitaculum, putabam me Romanis interesse deliciis. Sedebam solus, quia amaritudine repletus eram. Horrebant sacco membra deformia, et squalida cutis situm aethiopicae carnis obduxerat. Quotidie lacrymae, quotidie gemitus, et si quando repugnantem somnus imminens oppressisset, nuda humo ossa vix haerentia collidebam. De cibis vero et potu taceo, cum etiam languentes Monachi aqua frigida utantur, et coctum aliquid accepisse, luxuria sit. Ille igitur ego, qui ob gehennae metum, tali me carcere ipse damnaveram, scorpionum tantum socius et ferarum, saepe choris intereram puellarum. Pallebant ora jejuniis, et mens desideriis aestuabat in frigido corpore, et ante hominem sua jam in carne praemortuum, sola libidinum incendia balliebant. Itaque omni auxilio destitutus, ad Jesu jacebam pedes, rigabam lacrymis, crine tergebam; et repugnantem carnem hebdomadarum inedia subjugabam. Non erubesco infelicitatis meae miseriam confiteri, quin potius plango me non esse, quod fuerim. Memini me clamantem, diem crebro junxisse cum nocte, nec prius a pectoris cessasse verberibus, quam rediret, Domino increpante, tranquillitas. Ipsam quoque cellulam meam, quasi cogitationum mearum consciam pertimescebam. Et mihimet iratus et rigidus, solus deserta penetrabam. Sicubi concava vallium, aspera montium, rupium praerupta cernebam, ibi meae orationis locus, ibi illud miserrimae carnis ergastulum; et, ut ipse mihi testis est Dominus, post multas lacrymas, post coelo inhaerentes oculos, nonnunquam videbar mihi interesse agminibus Angelorum, et laetus gaudensque cantabam: Post te in odorem unguentorum tuorum curremus (Cant. 1. 3).